Sometimes...

This has been really hit or miss for me but during all the breaks that I've taken I have found that there are some amazing changes going on in my life. Some of them are wonderful and others of them are not so fantastic.

At the beginning of this month I discovered that a person of interest in my life is really not good for me. Now, that's not a bad thing as I've not invested much into this relationship knowing that he was emotionally unavailable and has no clue on how to treat himself let alone someone else. Today I am so completely frustrated with myself! I find that I wish he would pull his head out of his ass and...well, I'm asking for the tiger to change his stripes...literally!

I am so tired of men not understanding that some women are just not the type that will sit back and let a man do everything. I have had to learn how to do things for myself and I enjoy the independence, freedom and power it allows me. I don't think that there is anything wrong with this but I have yet to meet a man that is not threatened by my abilities. And I am very tired of men telling me how strong I am or them admitting to being afraid of me. Really?! What is there to be afraid of in me?

Sometimes it is just so frustrating to know that the person you really want to spend time with is not capable of being there for you in any capacity and yet you still want to be with this person.

Just one of those days

It has been a long summer and we are finally into fall. The kids are back at school and routine takes over our lives. We go to work, clean the house, walk the dogs, put all the toys of summer away for another season of winter. We want to get outside before the leaves all fall and have that last outdoor party of the year or the final camping weekend in the Porkies.

Today all of that changed. Things had been going great here. My youngest and I had finally gotten things working out, she had finally made the decision to call her father and try to set up a time when they would be able to sit down and talk for the first time in over a year, my second oldest child had found out that her jaw surgery just might be completed by Shriner's Hospital within the upcoming year, my oldest had only another semester of school and she would be able to go out into the world as a college graduate and my third oldest was actually thinking about going back to school and I was finally able to actually feel that I could afford dental coverage for my youngest and myself.

Today I found out that the attorney I had used for my divorce did not feel it important to make the X responsible for half of that monthly charge! Now there is a long list of things that attorney did not feel was too important when it came to this divorce and I have dealt with things as they needed to be dealt with and have not fought the Judge or my attorney on any of these things but this is kind of the last straw for me. The attorney and the Judge did not feel that it was important that the X pay child support although the kids didn't live with him and hardly ever saw him. The attorney and the Judge did not feel that the 100 miles a day I drove to get the kids to the school closest to their dad was important~even when gas hit $4.50 a gallon. The attorney and the judge felt that it was okay to keep me part of the business that the X has been running into ruin. Although he was ordered to sell the business he was not given a time frame to sell it in and I am still part of it. And yes, it has ruined what little credit worthiness I had left.

I never fought any of this but now I think I'm fed up! I think it is time to fight back and get completely finished with this entire divorce thing so that I can move on with my life.